Lil Uzi Vert, From Outer Space, Overtakes Planet Earth With Eternal Atake, Jhené Aiko Approves

An Unidentified Flying Object has just crashed into planet earth. It appears to be from the most distant planet from earth, the icy dwarf planet of creative destruction, Pluto. A creature is crawling out of the wrecked flying saucer. It is in fact from Pluto, and says its name is Baby Pluto, also known as Lil Uzi Vert. The alien species then hands you an album, whose cover art shows the same UFO flying into earth’s atmosphere, with you helplessly waving to it from a cratered vantage point. You have been reverse teleported across time-space to an iced-out planet to watch earth’s destruction unfold. You then hear an eerie beat with the warped words Welcome to Eternal Atake, and an unidentified voice asking you in Mandarin, “你准备好了吗?” Somehow you know that means “Are you ready?” Then the alien begins rapping in a voice you recognize, “Yeah, we bought the four-door, had to get ready for war,” and you get it. But then it’s too late, you levitate into the UFO and traverse eons and dimensions in seconds. You have been overtaken by the Eternal Atake.

With his release of Eternal Atake, short for eternal overtake, the alien rapper Lil Uzi Vert, who once admitted that he is not from this earth, and has a colorful aura, caused by neon guts, has literally overtaken this planet.

Eternal Atake has been rumored for years now, but has delayed as long, as fans worldwide have clamored for the follow up to his earth-shattering studio debut from 2017, Luv Is Rage 2, and its single “XO Tour Llif3,” which has streamed over 1.2 billion times on Spotify alone.

Controversies have abounded, including Lil Uzi’s rip-off of the logo of the Heaven’s Gate UFO suicide cult for his forthcoming album, retracted after its surviving members threatened a copyright infringement lawsuit (this is actually true.) In homage to the late Lil Peep, Lil Uzi has meanwhile used his also-tattooed face as his own on Twitter, and there claims he is from Tokyo, not outer space, or his alleged birthplace, Philadelphia.

Similar to Billie Eilish, Lil Uzi Vert refuses sonic categorization, but his sound could be described as alien emo lo-fi trap. Weird and bizarre as his sound and brand are, Lil Uzi has parlayed both to world domination of music.

His release of Eternal Atake yesterday, March 6, has propelled Lil Uzi Vert to stratospheric heights, more so than any other release this year, and by much. On today, March 7, he reached the top of all of Music Maven’s chart categories, and all 18 songs on his album have flooded the top 30 “Most Streamed” and “Highest Earning” categories.

Lil Uzi Vert is now by far the world’s “Most Streamed Artist,” with more streams than his next four competitors combined. With 40.6M streams on its first day, he has more than doubled his next competitor, Bad Bunny, now at only 16M. When Bad Bunny released his album YHLQMDLG a week ago, its 24M streams was an amazing feat. Eternal Atake almost doubled that. Probably the closest to that this year was Eminem’s release of Music to Be Murdered By on January 17, with 32M streams.

Lil Uzi Vert also made another major change to charts with this release. The first song on his album, “Baby Pluto,” finally knocked Roddy’s Ricch’s “The Box,” off the top of the charts in both revenue and streams with $11.6K and 3.8M streams. That is a major feat in its own right because “The Box” has been the Number 1 most streamed song for almost every single day since December 27 of last year, and has held that top rank every single day since February 13. That song has also had the highest revenue rank of any song every single day since last December 27.

“Baby Pluto,” powered by the cosmic-charged trailer released on Tuesday, March 3, now with 3M views, is no one-hit wonder. Other songs from Eternal Atake have overtaken all other songs on the top 10 most streamed, and even crowded them out of the top 15 highest revenue. The only other competitors now are Justin Bieber’s “Intentions,” featuring Quavo, at #11 in streams with 2M, and The Weekend’s “Blinding Lights,” at #15 in highest revenue with $5K. His previously-released “Futsal Shuffle 2020” has reached 122M streams on Spotify, and “That Way” challenged Roddy’s hit days before the release of Eternal Atake with over 2M streams each day before the album release.

This all means Lil Uzi Vert is now Music Maven’s “Most Influential Artist.”

The only other new stellar release was Jhené Aiko’s Chilombo, from her father’s surname, with her previously-released hit, “P*$$Y Fairy (OTW),” now at 19M streams on Spotify. Chilombo allowed Jhené Aiko to become the third most-streamed artist, pushing down Lil Baby and Post Malone, with her 9.4M daily streams and rising. She would be higher in the ranks, possibly #1, past Bad Bunny, who is now at #2, if it were not for Lil Uzi Vert’s simultaneous release, but she would likely approve of Baby Pluto’s crash into earth.

By Vince, March 7, 2020